Update from the hand doctor

We saw Dr. Popp today. He said it isn't ABS, it is Symbrachydactyly. I have attached links below that explain it pretty well.

Odds: 1:30K

This is what he said:
-It isn't ABS, it is a genetic mutation.
-We need to see a genetic counselor to make sure it isn't syndromic.
-She will be in OT when she is older (1 yr +).
-He is not going to remove her fingers (nubbins).
-He is not going to do surgery while she is little because he doesn't want to waste a surgery when something better can come along.
-We see him again in six months (February)
-He was very happy with her elbow, arm, wrist etc. All that is why he said it wasn't ABS.


http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Symbrachydactyly

http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site1108/mainpageS1108P0.html


Overall, I am okay. We're okay. It was a little disheartening because I feel like I am back to square one. I had all those months to adjust to it being ABS and now it's not. I liked Dr. Popp. He was honest and nice and real and we needed that. I feel like I failed at correct procreation. I know it makes zero sense, but I do feel like that. It is hard because Dave made Nate and he came out fine, but here we are. I love my daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything, she is perfect to me, but I accept that there is something wrong with her and I can't help feeling like it's my fault. I don't know. That's all I can say for now.

Updates galore

#1 - I went to return my pump today, drying up despite efforts to increase supply, and I weighed Gracyn at Riverside's Women's Center weigh station. She weighed: 6 lbs 8.4 oz! I was so happy I could've cried!

#2 - I had to get clothes for work yesterday, as I am not losing 10 lbs in the next week and a half, and am only up one pant size from my pre-pregnant self. 10 to a 12 and mostly in my hips.

#3 - Went to dentist today. I have to have two cavities filled next week. Ug.

Hilarious!

This article was on MSN. It is about loathing Crocs. It makes me laugh as I own numorous pairs myself!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/150240/page/2

Go bye, bye!

Isn't she too cute in her car seat? She is swimming in it. They made her pass a car seat test before they'd let her leave the hospital.

Friday is the big day.

We meet with the hand surgeon on Friday. It's the first time we'll actually meet Dr. Popp and the first time he'll see her actual hand and not just an ultrasound picture.

I think that he'll be happy with what she has. They anticipated that it was nothing but fatty tissue from the wrist down. What she actually has a lot more. She has bone or cartilage, some movement of the three middle finger buds, and uses it to grip and do things like hold her binky in her mouth, etc.

I am full of emotions about this. I am excited, of course, but I am also scared and anxious and nervous and a zillion other things. What if we get there and he wants to remove her thumb and pinky? We understand that they are essentially skin tags, but still we'd have to authorize that and that is a really emotional decision. What if he says it's as good as it's gets and that there is nothing more that they can do? Then what? Then there is the whole aspect of surgery. How many is too many? And, at what age is it too young, too many, too much in general? Will kids be mean to her about it? What will I say to console her when she comes home in tears about something that someone said? Where will she wear her wedding ring? These are my, her, realities. Things that we have to face as a family. All these things run through my mind and I get overwhelmed and emotional about it.

I am grateful for the fact that of things to have wrong it's just her hand. I am grateful that it wasn't a worse case of ABS. We are blessed and I am thankful for her every day. We have a beautiful daughter who has so much spunk, motivation, and heart already that I can only imagine what a wonderful person she will become and what feats she will conquer despite her hand.

Grown-Up Cliques

Nate started rec football this week. Gracyn and I went to practice Friday night and saw, what Dave affectionately refers to as the "Yentas", the mothers sitting in their respective"clique's". It was special. There were two factions. The cool kids and the wrong side of the tracks ones. Needless to say, we sat in the middle between the two factions.

It seemed silly to me. Grown women with kids, mortgages, and husbands sitting there staking claim like in a high school cafeteria. I don't get it. Maybe it's because I didn't get it when I was in actual high school. It just seemed petty and lame.

They sat there glaring at one another, whispering and talking trash about so and so's kids', outifit, husband, etc. and all I could think was that they were those people in high school and that they were breeding another group of those people in high school. Oh my.

Teaching isn't for the faint of heart.

Another one of my kids died. They found him in the back of his truck dead. As of right now, I don't know what happened, etc.

Dave has this happen frequently. You could say that he is used to it and, to some degree, has unfortunately come to see it as normal. Not me. I worked with inner-city kids and NEVER had anything like this happen. I had to come to suburbia. A lot of people think that teaching in the burbs is easier...less headaches, trouble, better kids, yada-yada-yada. They are wrong. I exchanged weed for pills, absentee parents (because of working) for absentee parents (because of drinking, etc.), gangs (actually identified) for cliques (similar characterstics only not viewed as negatively).

This is the second kid I have had die in the past six months. I don't know what to say. It hurts me. I love my kids like they were my own and to know that one day they are here and the next they aren't bothers me. Then I see teachers who don't care. Who are indifferent about things like this. I can't even imagine. I keep replaying interactions with this kid. Was I nice to him? Did he feel welcome in my classroom? Comfortable? Did he learn? Was he happy? You get the point.

I guess I needed to get this off of my chest.

That's how she rolls!

Gracyn had been rolling onto her side since we brought her home. She gets her legs going and launches herself onto one side or the other. Yesterday morning, however, she got onto her left side and then kept kicking and got herself onto her tummy!

My understanding is that that is early to be doing that! We are so proud of her!

Hot Hubby

Is it just me or is it hot to see your husband with the baby carrier?! With the baby?!

Last night, Dave had Gracyn sitting up in his lap and they were watching t.v. and I thought to myself, "Damn he is hot!"

Daddy & Gracie