2008, a year in review

stolen from Erin :)

In my 2008...What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Gave birth

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I hadn't really made any, but this year I plan to loose the last five pounds from Gracyn, be a better Jew, pay off debt.

Did anyone close to you give birth? Me, Jhen, Michelle, etc.

Did anyone close to you die? My great-grandmother

What countries did you spend time in this year? None

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Find an Assistant Principal job.

What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? July 14 - Gracyn was born and May 14th - we found out about her hand

What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Having my daughter

What was your biggest failure? Learning that I cannot control everything

Did you suffer any serious injury or illness? No

What was the best thing you bought? 2008 Honda Odyssey. LOVE IT!

Whose behaviour merited celebration? Miles, my mean and agressive cat, because he has been so great with the baby.

Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed? A NP at my OB's office and one of the doctors for not finding her hand before May and for their attitude regarding my pregnancy issues.

Where did most of your money go? Debt

Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier w/o a doubt
b) thinner or fatter? In the middle. Weigh a little more, but look okay
c) richer or poorer? I think I broke even

What did you get really, really excited about? Getting to meet my daughter, buying my van, going to Zoombezi Bay

What do you wish you'd done more of? Relaxing, reading, saving money

Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with a 5.5 pound doll baby!

How many one-night stands? N.O.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hm...I don't give people that I dislike that much effort

What was the best book you read? The Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult and Raising Girls and I forget the author.

What did you want and not get? Her hand to be a misread and be okay

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? As is a tradition in my life, my birthday sucked. Dave got me the 3-D US for my birthday and that is when we found out about Gracyn's hand (not that in retrospect I would change knowing because I wouldn't give that up for the world.). I turned 27.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Watching Gracyn play using a hand that in May we didn't know how well she'd be able to use it and finding out that it is nonsyndromic. And, having Dave's heart issue not be as serious as we thought it would be.

What political issue stirred you the most? Sarah Palin....I digress.

Who did you miss? My grandmother because I am sad that Gracyn will never get to meet her and be so loved and spoiled by her.

Who was the best new person you met? My daughter, duh!

Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2008. That I cannot control everything and that, in the end, everything works out as it should.

What sums up this year? (a word, a quote... ?) Journey

It may be too early to predict, but I'm sayin' not a chance!

That is that my daughter will be prissy, girly, etc. Below is my proof:


No remourse for being dirty

Making faces

Pulling her dress up like this!

Notice the look of disgust on her face!

My Greatest Gift of 2008

First Gift, First Night, First Hanukkah

Gracie and Mommy

My Holiday Wish

This holiday season I know what I want. I want for everyone I know to have peace. Peace. Such a simple concept, yet so complex and bewildering. I want them to have peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of soul.

I have found peace. I found my peace of all of those over this past year. I am grateful for that.

A girl and her tree

5 Adventures From a 5 Day Break

1. Dave had a blow out on 70W in his 89 Ford Ranger, aka his beloved $800 work truck, and I had to round up the kids and go fetch him.

2. We bought a new tree. We went from a 6.5 ft to a 9.5 ft. Thank goodness for cathedral ceilings. I'll post pics soon.

3. Citi Bank has decided to up my interest rate from 6.99 to 24.99 as their solution to the economic crisis. I, of course, exercised my option to opt out and have them close my card. Dave did too. They get the bail out money and screw the little guy.

4. Gracie has diaper rash from her excessive pooping. It is too much and I am burning through not only diapers, but wipes and ointment, at warp speed.

5. We have vowed to only eat out twice a month. Yes, let's see how this goes...

4 from a 4 Monther

4 Things About 4 Month Old Gracyn Paige

1. I am using a level two nipple now. I am in 1-2 Huggies (in between sized). I am no longer being swaddled/using my Swaddle Me or my sleep positioner. Dr. Barnes thinks that I will get a tooth soon. She felt in my mouth and said that there was the makings of one, plus all of my drooling is a good sign too!

2. I am eating 2 tablespoons of cereal twice a day. This may explain my weight increase! I am in the 8th percentile for my weight, which is great seeing as I started out in the 2nd. What can I say, I am a runt! For lunch, I have my cereal, 2 oz of white grape juice, and a smidge of Similac. For dinner, I have my cereal, then a bath and a story, then my Similac.

3. Mommy and I have started WeJoySing. We go on Thursdays. It is at a church in Reynoldsburg. There are two other little babies my age. Suri and Jason. I had a great time. I kicked my legs and jabbered on. We are going to do the winter session as well. Maybe Daddy will come to a couple.

4. I am in the weird clothing stage again. I am too long for my 0-3's, but too skinny for my 3-6's. I am a mess. I just hope that I don't have this much trouble finding jeans when I am bigger and in high school :)

Gracie, her bubby and Santa

First of all let me say a couple of things. Number one, Santa is secular and not religious...hence her being in the picture with him. It is our belief that Santa loves all religions and is the spirit of kindness, genorsity, and compassion. Number two, the Polaris display was fabulous!

7 Random Facts About Me

1. I was a bad, I mean really bad, student in school
2. I didn't have a first word...I said a sentence! "What's that? (whas dat?)"
3. I got married in Vegas and the chapel is the one in the Carrie Underwood video
4. I am one of the 30% of women whose water broke
5. My Hebrew name is Shalvah, it means tranquility
6. I went into a pawn shop today and, yes, it was scary
7. I am OCD about finances and numbers. I have to take, eat, whatever/anything in even numbers of multiples of 5

Gracie's singing class

Gracie had singing class tonight (it is through recommendation from our friend Amanda whose daughter GiGi loves it) through WeJoySing. She loved it! She doesn't actually sing, obviously, but they get to play with instruments and we sing to them and play with them. It was fun.

I was sad though. In one part of it they asked the parents to help the babies learn to clap...problem. Gracie kind of claps. She can't really clap because she only has a palm on that one hand and it is a lot smaller. I was sad because when it is just us or just an outing at the mall or something it isn't an issue, but tonight was the first night that Gracie was noticeably different from her peers. She didn't care and no one else did either, I was just sad.

After the class was over, the lady in charge came over and was talking about how cute she is. I was thinking about a nice way to bring up the fact that I would need to make modifications for her sometimes and the lady stopped me and said, "Oh sweetie! I knew about her hand. My owner had looked at your blog and told me about her condition. It's fine. You do whatever you need to do for her." It was sweet. Sweet that the owner had done all of that and sweet what the woman said.

www.wejoysing.com

4 Months

Four Month Stats:
11 lbs 8 oz (8th percentile and counting!)
23.5" long (24th percentile)
16.25" circumference

She goes back in mid-January for her 6 month check-up.

Request Denied?

Dave and I had applied for SSI for Gracie. I did all of the paperwork and called yesterday to make an appointment to see someone (as I was directed). The guy at SS goes to make my appointment and asks me the said questions. He paused after I answered the income question. He said we'd be denied with my income alone. Huh? What does it matter? Does us being successful mean that her having a disability is okay? WTF. He was really nice about it, but still. He likened it to welfare at a federal level and said that he was willing to make the appointment, but that we'd just get there and wait all day to get denied. Classic.

Allow me to elaborate. We weren't trying to "get money". We were trying to get her assistance. We planned on banking any revenues and using it for school, surgeries, prosthetics, etc.

The resolution was this, he said to have her apply on her own when she turns eighteen. My question is what will happen then? Some sort of statute of limitations, "Um sorry Miss Chamberlain. You had to apply earlier in life..."

I am thankful for...

Gracyn
Dave & Nate
The last year
My health
That Miles is good with Gracyn and we didn't have to give him away
Support from my friends
My family
and that we are blessed.

A girl and her hat

Sunday morning sleep in

A girl and her kitty

This is Gracyn w/Miles

Naming Ceremony

Gracie had her naming ceremony Friday night during Shabbat services. It was lovely. Her name is Chanah. It means G-d's grace. Also, it was Chanah's prayer that I said when I was trying to get pregnant.

Genetics Appointment

We had the genetics appointment today. It went well, over all. They did not run her DNA because nothing in her history or physical appearance warranted further investigation. Dr. Atkin disagreed with Dr. Popp regarding his diagnosis of symbrachydactaly. She believes that this is either ABS (our original diagnosis) or vascular. She believes that the subchronic hemorrhage that I had in weeks five to fifteen added to the likelihood that this was vascular.

Okay. While I am elated that she doesn't have any other issues and that it is non-syndromic, I am left wanting. I want to know what happened. I want to be able to tell my daughter when she asks what happened what, in fact, happened. I won't be able to and that bothers me. I want answers and she'll want answers that I don't have. I'll have to say either "It just did" or "It is either a. b. or c." It sucks.

So, today was good. Aggravating, but good. She weighed 11 lbs, was 22" long, and had a head circumference of 16".

Little Harry Potter

Notice the lightening bolt!

The Baby Whisperer

Gracyn and Helen, the Baby Whisperer. She was one of my students and I am friends with her mom. Ironically, Helen is insanely fussy and high strung and you'd think that with that type personality she'd stress the baby out...NO. Gracyn can be losing her mind upset and give her to Helen...complete calm.

Mommy & Gracie

Us at the Circleville Pumpkin Show. Ignore the socks on her hands, we didn't have baby gloves yet.

Bumbo Time

Chillin' in the Bumbo.

Gracyn Tells All!

She's a 10!

Ten pounds that is! I had my mom take her and weigh her yesterday. She weighed 10 lbs .5 oz! She is out of N diapers and into the new 1-2 from Huggies. She has a new friend...George. George is a monkey rattle that she loves...as does Miles, the cat. Next time we are at BRU, we have to get Miles his own George to avoid potential drama with a cat stealing a baby toy.

My kids are so sweet!

Yesterday was not a good teacher day for me. It was rough and long and stressful. I was anti-kid yesterday. But, this morning Sam redeemed them all.

He bought Gracyn one of those Raspberry teething binks. He had over heard me talking about her needing on and knew what they were because of his little sister so he went to Meijer and bought her one.

Isn't that sweet?

My Favorite Things List

Gracyn's open mouth smile
Fleece
Cherry Chapstick
My van
Peppermint Mocha creamer
Babies in jeans
Halloween I and II
Broken in jeans
Date night
Gracyn stretching

Baby's First Fortune

We had PF Changs for dinner tonight and the waitress gave Gracie a fortune cookie too. We kept her fortune. For two reasons: 1. it was her first fortune cookie and 2. because of what it said.

"Face life's obstacles with dignity"

It was her first and it was perfect for her. I hope she listens to it.

My Obama sign is MIA

I hate election season for many reasons. But today, my reason is stupidity. Someone stole our Obama sign from our yard in the middle of the night. Normally, I'd say it's my students being lame, but with all of the hype this year and seeing as we live in Redneck Central USA, I cannot simply blame immature teenagers. So...I requested another one. For two reasons: 1. I already voted via absentee ballot and it is out of spite and 2. because it is my RIGHT to have whatever sign I want in my front yard and I refuse to let either teenage stupidity or conservative ignorance deny my of that right.

Reflections on the past year...

The past year has been crazy. With High Holy Days this month, I got to thinking about the past year and it's developments.

In the past year, I wasn't pregnant, I was pregnant, I thought I was going to lose her, we found out about her hand, Dave got a promotion, Dave was in the ER, and we had our baby. Whew...that's a lot and a lot in a bunch of different directions. To say that I am thankful and blessed by G-d would be an understatement. Words cannot convey my appreciation to him for blessing us like he has.

Yom Kippur was yesterday and I thought about my sins, the sins I had committed. In Judaism sin is looked at differently than in Christianity. It isn't like I cussed and needed to repent. It is more so who have I done wrong or hurt, intentionally or un, why did I do so and what can I do to make amens. I can honestly say that in the past year I hurt people that love me. I hurt them not intentionally, but un because I couldn't get pregnant. It was maddening and I shared that madness at all costs and with everyone. It was wrong, but misery loves company so it is what I did. I was reading my old blog and an astonished that I ever said the things that I said and felt the things I felt.

I learned a lot this year. I learned that I am much stronger than I thought that I was. For starters, my pregnancy was a mess. Sure it got me Gracie, but for me being pregnant was not some great experience. There is nothing tranquil about going to the ER and hoping that your baby is still alive. It was hard. Then, just when I thought that it would ease up, we found out about her hand.

Her hand. Where do I begin. No one ever talks about the things that can go wrong while your pregnant. We live on mantras of "ten fingers, ten toes", but no one ever thinks that something can go wrong. When we had that 3-D ultrasound, for once, I wasn't afraid of what might happen...and that time I should have been. You never want to be pregnant and hear silence, then the words, "When is your next appointment?" At that moment I stopped breathing. My baby, who I had fought so hard to get and keep, had something wrong with her. It wasn't fair. That's how I felt. It was the worst day of my life to date. I felt as if I had let her down. Once we got confirmation from Riverside that there was something wrong with her hand, I began to cope. Most people are afraid of labor hurting, but not me. I was afraid of what her hand would look like. I know that that is insanely shallow and vapid, but I was and I can never take that back.

Now...now I have fully accepted it. I think. G-d knew that we'd love her like no one else good and gave her to us. For that I am grateful and honored that G-d trusted me with her.

In July, I thought that I was going to be a single mom. I honestly thought that I was going to lose Dave. I have never been so afraid in my life. I was afraid that Gracyn would never know what a good man that her Daddy was and how much he loved her. But again, G-d blessed us.

I guess saying that I am thankful wouldn't even be close. But, as I sit here I am overwhelmed with emotion because I am so blessed. I look at my husband and I am thankful for him for being here for me and to G-d for him being here. I look at my daughter and, at times, am still amazed that she is here and that I made her. I honestly remember sitting at the computer last October looking at adoption information fully believing that I would never get pregnant. All I can say is that this has been an amazing year and one that, despite it's heart breaks and aches, I am thankful for.

Witchy Woman

Gracyn in her witch hat from Target. Who'd have ever thought that $1 could buy so much?!

Future Buckeye

Check Me Out!

How can you say no to this face?

Today I weighed 9 lbs and 8.4 oz!

Gracie's Halloween Costume!

NOTE: This is NOT Gracyn. The pic is from oldnavy.com

I was referred to as being passive-aggressive...ME?

One of my kids is not a nice person. I mean she is just not pleasant. She always has something really hateful to say and is insanely judgemental. Twelfth grader. I am very sarcastic...I am self-actualized and know who I am in real life so I can admit this about myself. So, she says that she wants to go to the bathroom. This is after she has been down right hostile to a nerdy boy in the class. I told her no, BUT that I would write her a pass to the lost and found to find a better attitude. Now, I don't see this is passive-aggressive. I feel like it was very direct. At any rate, I thought it was funny to be referred to as passive-agressive...that's a new one :)

She cried. I cried.

Today was Gracyn's two month check up, aka shots. Three of them and a drink for Rotavirus. It was not well. She was starving because we waited so long and then it was over. Melt down. Two in one leg, one in another. I had to hold her hands. It was awful. She gripped really hard with her baby hand (lefty). She cried and I don't mean just cried. I mean wailed and tears and shaking. I felt horrible. Daddy was at work, so we were alone. She goes back November 14th and we get to do it all over again.

On a better note...
Weight: 9 lbs .5 oz
Length: 21.5"
Head: 15 1/4"

She is doing good. She talked to Dr. Barnes nonstop and Dr. Barnes was happy with her progress. Then she came home and ate 8 oz of food, then another 2 oz all within a two hour time frame. Little piggy :)

Before we went to the doctor, we went to BRU and got a toy and some new clothes. She deserved it for being so brave!

New Pics of Gracie!

People, I swear...

Today has confirmed for me that people have lost their ever loving minds.

Gracie visited the maternity ward today.

I went to Riverside's Women's Center to weigh her and they were closed (after I was told they'd be open on Saturday). I went in to complain and they called 3 tower Maternity to see if they'd do it for me since I drove all of the way over there. They did. I saw my day nurse, who I loved, and they all oogled Gracie and said how cute she was.

They weighed her and she peed all over the scale in front of people looking at her through the windows. She weighed 8 lbs 1 oz!

Weight Update

Last week Gracie weighed 7 lbs 10 oz!

Happenings Round Here

Today was Gracie's first full day at daycare, aka Grammy's house (my mom). She had a good day she was in the swing, Grampy bought her a blanket, a onesie, and a play mat which she loved thus making it so that I had to get her one for here. I don't technically have to leave her, Dave does because he drops her off, so I just convince myself that she's just leaving with her Daddy in the mornings.

Other news on the Gracie front, she has slept through the night for the past two nights. It has been lovely, not that she isn't regularly a good sleeper, but you get the point.

Nate is officially a fifth grader. We met Nate's teachers tonight. He has three. I am not sure about two of them. We'll see. He has strict orders to have some sense and not create drama.

Dave went to the cardiologist this morning and they took him off of one of his medications. He was happy.

I am back on mine. I just feel so overwhelmed. It's ridiculous.

Work was good. My room is done and copies made for Open House and the first day of school. A lot of people were happy to see me, while others made judgements on my choice to return to work. The bottom line: a. she's with my mom b. I need to save FMLA time for her hand issues and c. it isn't fiscally responsible to stay off with doctors/medical bills. So, my stance is this: I didn't ask you and I don't care what you think.

Other than that, all is well.

Pediatrician Update

Gracyn had a pedi appointment yesterday and it went well. She is now 20" long and weighed 7 lbs 2 oz! So excited. She is still, and going to remain, in the lower percentiles for her weight (from the 2nd to the 4th). She is went from the 6th to the 13th for her height though! Dr. Barnes was happy with her progress.

Her next appointment is September 22nd. She gets three shots and a drink to drink at that visit. I am anxious about her getting shots :(

He's a MANIAC...

maniac on the floor. And, he's dancing like he's never danced before..."

I found this picture of Miles from last summer. We had them declawed and he chewed his paws open. Needless to say, the vet coned him and bandaged him all up. He was so sad and distraught when I held him in my lap he fell asleep, cone and all, and was snoring. It was a very humbling experience for him :)

Snippet of Tranquility

A brief moment of tranquility. Rare. And, for those who think I lie (because she never comes out) about having a second cat, she's the fuzzy one.

Chill Mode

Dave fed her while I worked out. I came in and this is what I found. Milk lethargy.

New Gracie Pics

#1 - Sitting in her bouncy chair looking out of the front door (one of her favorite past times)

#2 - In her diaper on our bed. She looks so violated :(

4w Pic

She's in her jambas. Her jambas being a 6m t-shirt from Target. Hey, all little girls sleep in big t-shirts :)

Request Denied...almost twice.

I was denied my right to piercing yesterday. I wanted to get my belly button repierced. Dave and I lugged Gracie to my Mom's and headed for Piercology. We got there and were denied. The guy said I have to wait three months...WTF? I have googled until my fingers wanna fall off and have found nothing to support this claim. I am going to ask my NMW tomorrow at my appointment. If I get the green light from her, I am going to go some place else.

It made me mad because I am a grown ass woman who knows what she is capable of doing. I don't need a kid behind a counter telling me I have to wait. A. he doesn't know me or my delivery and B. I have to sign a waiver before they'll pierce me anyway...what difference did it make?

Ug.

Then, I tried to return my high chair to BRU today because it is too big for my dining area. I wanted to get the one you can place on your dining room chairs. DRAMA. There is a new policy at BRU, took effect yesterday, and even though it was on my registry I couldn't do anything with it because it wasn't showing as purchased. Duh. I have it right here! I didn't have a gift receipt was their claim...so? It is on the registry and I have it right here...LONG story short: I called the 800 to complain. They took it off the registry and sent me back to the store. They did it, but there was this broad there, a department supervisor, who kept running her mouth. I usually have more decorum, but today I lost it. After waiting for this to get handled, driving away and coming back, then waiting again for them to get it done I was unable to handle her mouth running (while she was ringing other people out too!). I told her about herself. It was not one of my finer moments, but I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I needed her to stop talking to me as I wasn't talking to her.

4 Weeks Old Today!

Gracie is four weeks old today! WooHoo! I took her to Riverside's Women's Center and weighed her again (her checkup is the 18th). Today she weighed 6 lbs 11.4 oz! Maybe we'll break 7 at her appointment! I'll post a four week pick later this week.

Poem

from limbdifferences.com

Missing Parts

God looked down,
another child complete,
A smile so perfect,
a temper so sweet.
But baby looked and some parts were gone,
Did God mess up and make me wrong?
God just looked at this perfect child,
He explained Himself as He just smiled.
"If I'd taken time to make that part,
you wouldn't be such a work of art.
"I would not have had time to make that smile,
To list your talents would last a mile.
Your sense of humor, that belly laugh,
Where are these parts, you have to ask?
You are so lucky, these gifts of gold,
Those missing parts are mine to hold.
Forever they'll be, close to my heart,
So as you live, we are never apart.
Each time I move, you'll be on my mind,
You special child, you are quite the find!
So do not miss that part, you see,
It will always be safe and sound with me."

Quote

What makes you different, makes you beautiful.

StephanieW on the "new " Nest, as I refer to it, has this in her signature. I liked it and it made me think of Gracie.

Some Gracie Pics

#1 - "My bink is taking over my face!"

#2 - Laying outside at Nate's football practice

#3 - Grammy holding her on her motorcycle that Daddy bought her

#4 - Hanging out with Mom

#5 - Napping in her crib in her preemie jambas

She likes her Jedi hand...

It's yummy!

Update from the hand doctor

We saw Dr. Popp today. He said it isn't ABS, it is Symbrachydactyly. I have attached links below that explain it pretty well.

Odds: 1:30K

This is what he said:
-It isn't ABS, it is a genetic mutation.
-We need to see a genetic counselor to make sure it isn't syndromic.
-She will be in OT when she is older (1 yr +).
-He is not going to remove her fingers (nubbins).
-He is not going to do surgery while she is little because he doesn't want to waste a surgery when something better can come along.
-We see him again in six months (February)
-He was very happy with her elbow, arm, wrist etc. All that is why he said it wasn't ABS.


http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Symbrachydactyly

http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site1108/mainpageS1108P0.html


Overall, I am okay. We're okay. It was a little disheartening because I feel like I am back to square one. I had all those months to adjust to it being ABS and now it's not. I liked Dr. Popp. He was honest and nice and real and we needed that. I feel like I failed at correct procreation. I know it makes zero sense, but I do feel like that. It is hard because Dave made Nate and he came out fine, but here we are. I love my daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything, she is perfect to me, but I accept that there is something wrong with her and I can't help feeling like it's my fault. I don't know. That's all I can say for now.

Updates galore

#1 - I went to return my pump today, drying up despite efforts to increase supply, and I weighed Gracyn at Riverside's Women's Center weigh station. She weighed: 6 lbs 8.4 oz! I was so happy I could've cried!

#2 - I had to get clothes for work yesterday, as I am not losing 10 lbs in the next week and a half, and am only up one pant size from my pre-pregnant self. 10 to a 12 and mostly in my hips.

#3 - Went to dentist today. I have to have two cavities filled next week. Ug.

Hilarious!

This article was on MSN. It is about loathing Crocs. It makes me laugh as I own numorous pairs myself!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/150240/page/2

Go bye, bye!

Isn't she too cute in her car seat? She is swimming in it. They made her pass a car seat test before they'd let her leave the hospital.

Friday is the big day.

We meet with the hand surgeon on Friday. It's the first time we'll actually meet Dr. Popp and the first time he'll see her actual hand and not just an ultrasound picture.

I think that he'll be happy with what she has. They anticipated that it was nothing but fatty tissue from the wrist down. What she actually has a lot more. She has bone or cartilage, some movement of the three middle finger buds, and uses it to grip and do things like hold her binky in her mouth, etc.

I am full of emotions about this. I am excited, of course, but I am also scared and anxious and nervous and a zillion other things. What if we get there and he wants to remove her thumb and pinky? We understand that they are essentially skin tags, but still we'd have to authorize that and that is a really emotional decision. What if he says it's as good as it's gets and that there is nothing more that they can do? Then what? Then there is the whole aspect of surgery. How many is too many? And, at what age is it too young, too many, too much in general? Will kids be mean to her about it? What will I say to console her when she comes home in tears about something that someone said? Where will she wear her wedding ring? These are my, her, realities. Things that we have to face as a family. All these things run through my mind and I get overwhelmed and emotional about it.

I am grateful for the fact that of things to have wrong it's just her hand. I am grateful that it wasn't a worse case of ABS. We are blessed and I am thankful for her every day. We have a beautiful daughter who has so much spunk, motivation, and heart already that I can only imagine what a wonderful person she will become and what feats she will conquer despite her hand.

Grown-Up Cliques

Nate started rec football this week. Gracyn and I went to practice Friday night and saw, what Dave affectionately refers to as the "Yentas", the mothers sitting in their respective"clique's". It was special. There were two factions. The cool kids and the wrong side of the tracks ones. Needless to say, we sat in the middle between the two factions.

It seemed silly to me. Grown women with kids, mortgages, and husbands sitting there staking claim like in a high school cafeteria. I don't get it. Maybe it's because I didn't get it when I was in actual high school. It just seemed petty and lame.

They sat there glaring at one another, whispering and talking trash about so and so's kids', outifit, husband, etc. and all I could think was that they were those people in high school and that they were breeding another group of those people in high school. Oh my.

Teaching isn't for the faint of heart.

Another one of my kids died. They found him in the back of his truck dead. As of right now, I don't know what happened, etc.

Dave has this happen frequently. You could say that he is used to it and, to some degree, has unfortunately come to see it as normal. Not me. I worked with inner-city kids and NEVER had anything like this happen. I had to come to suburbia. A lot of people think that teaching in the burbs is easier...less headaches, trouble, better kids, yada-yada-yada. They are wrong. I exchanged weed for pills, absentee parents (because of working) for absentee parents (because of drinking, etc.), gangs (actually identified) for cliques (similar characterstics only not viewed as negatively).

This is the second kid I have had die in the past six months. I don't know what to say. It hurts me. I love my kids like they were my own and to know that one day they are here and the next they aren't bothers me. Then I see teachers who don't care. Who are indifferent about things like this. I can't even imagine. I keep replaying interactions with this kid. Was I nice to him? Did he feel welcome in my classroom? Comfortable? Did he learn? Was he happy? You get the point.

I guess I needed to get this off of my chest.

That's how she rolls!

Gracyn had been rolling onto her side since we brought her home. She gets her legs going and launches herself onto one side or the other. Yesterday morning, however, she got onto her left side and then kept kicking and got herself onto her tummy!

My understanding is that that is early to be doing that! We are so proud of her!

Hot Hubby

Is it just me or is it hot to see your husband with the baby carrier?! With the baby?!

Last night, Dave had Gracyn sitting up in his lap and they were watching t.v. and I thought to myself, "Damn he is hot!"

Daddy & Gracie